첫 번째 영어 에세이💘 (feat. 민트영어 첨삭)

클로넷(Clonet)이라는 어플에 대한 기사를 읽고 작성한 에세이다. 에세이 제출 전에 그래멀리를 사용해서 한 번 오류를 고치고 첨삭을 받았는데도 오류가 몇 가지 있다. 아직 에세이 형식을 잘 몰라서 일단 서론, 본론, 결론만 잘 나눠서 작성했다 8ㅅ8... 첨삭 받아보니 라이팅 수업도 듣고 싶은 것... 후유

 

복습인 딕테이션도 중요하지만, 예습도 아주 중요함을 깨닫는다. 기존 예습은 수업 1시간 전부터 수업 자료를 읽고 관련 단어를 찾아서 문장을 만들어보는 수준이었다. 하지만 수업 자료에 대한 에세이를 작성하는 것은 정말... 차원이 다르게 도움이 된다. 에세이에는 더 풍부한 자료 조사, 어휘 및 표현 공부, 직접 사용하는 연습 등이 수반된다.

 

기존에는 공부를 해도 주제에 대해 말할 수 있는 의견이 한정되었지만, 에세이를 쓰다 보니 더 많은 의견을 낼 수 있게 되었다. 확실히 수업 때도 단답식보다 문장을 말하게 된다. 진짜 짱짱인듯...❣️

 

이제 내 영어 공부 방법은 아래처럼 3가지 방법으로 굳어질 것 같다.

1) 화상영어 수업 전 본문 공부 후 에세이 작성/첨삭 받기

2) 화상영어 수업 후 딕테이션 > 딕테이션 스크립트 복습/내 문장 만들기 > 문장 외우기

3) 영어회화 100일의 기적/인턴 공부 > 내 문장 만들기 > 문장 외우기

 

* This essay is written based on the attached textbook.

 

Is Clonet worth trying?

 

  Despite a raging pandemic, e-commerce continued to grow rapidly. So did mobile commerce. However, online shopping has a critical weakness. People cannot try the clothes on. For this reason, many people still go shopping in person. As you watch the movie “Intern”, you realize why Aboutthefit.com, which describes the fit of clothes in detail, became a huge success. The increasingly growing demand to make up for it. There is an emerging mobile commerce platform called “Clonet”. This app provides short video clips to help with a better description of the fit, texture, and color of a garment, which makes it worth trying.

  The app comes with thousands of ten-second-long short videos. These videos even include music and it highlights the mood of the clothes. With the clips that provide the movements and even the 360-degree view of the clothes, the customers can see the fit, texture, and color better in a glance. However, this feature may gulp mobile data.

  Since this application is targeting Gen Z, it offers many features that are very similar to social media such as Facebook’s feed and TikTok’s swiping clipboard. Thanks to those, the targeted generation would feel more familiar when they first learn about the app. Plus, this platform hosts hundreds of sellers who mostly sell street fashion style clothes. This nature however can repel the other generations more dominant in number.

  Clonet puts stress on “SSS” which means “Save money, Save time, So Clonet”. This app features a very simple payment system. With a couple of swipes, you can buy an item in 10 seconds. With the fit-describing clips and easy-peasy payment, the customers may save time. At the same time, these can be very addictive like TikTok.

  Finally, it prevents photo editing by uploading videos. Sometimes people find online shopping irritating when clothes delivered look nothing like the one on screen. Sellers photoshop photos to make the clothes look better. Uploading videos can help with a clear look, but video editing is also possible through high-tech photo editing apps.

  There are a lot of convenient and time-saving apps emerging and the current trend is likely to continue for the next coming years. Clonet provides users with feed, video clips, a simple payment system, and more to help them save time and energy for shopping. It worth a try.

 

<첨삭 부분>

 

The increasingly growing demand to make up for it.

>>There is an increasing demand to make up for it.

 

Thanks to those, the targeted generation would feel more familiar when they first learn about the app.

>>Thanks to those, the targeted generation would feel more familiar when they would first learn about the app.

 

This nature however can repel the other generations more dominant in number.

>> This nature, however, can repel the other generations who are more dominant in number.

 

 It worth a try.

>>It's worth a try.

 

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